December 2011
November 2011
“I need a hundred beers. Exactly…exactly one hundred beers, thank you.”
—Nathan Explosion (via die-for-dethklok)
Fansong
Dethklok
You’re a bunch of banks
That I’d like to rob
You’re my online cash transaction
You’re my future stocks
“Release… THE KITTIES!”
—Nathan Explosion (via die-for-dethklok)
My favorite Metalocalypse exchange ever
- Nathan: Get me the weather bure- burea- bureau.
- Weather Bureau Man: But, that's where we are, sir.
- Nathan: Excellent, outstanding, good. I command you to destroy the hurricane.
- Toki: Yeah, use your weather controlling machines!
- Weather Bureau Man: People can't destroy hurricanes, sir.
- Nathan: Alright, uh... Knock it off course. Do that.
- WBM: I'm afraid that's impossible, sir.
- Nathan: DAMMIT! We've tried everything.
- Murderface: Not everything. ... Well. Not EVERYTHING. I mean, not literally everything.
- Nathan: Ok, well, I didn't mean literally everything.
- Murderface: Well, you said literally everything!
- Charles: Have you, uh, used the Emergency Broadcasting System?
- Toki: I hates that thing! The beeeeeeeeeeeeep...
- All Dethklok: BEEEEEEEEEEP...
- Nathan: No way.
- Pickles: Dis is... Dis is a message, 'n... 'mergency broadcast system...
- WBM: All emergency systems have been looted and destroyed, sir.
- Nathan: They... stole the beep!?!?
- Toki: Yeah, how they steals the beep?
- Murderface: People are so low.
- Pickles: I'd steal that.
- Nathan: What the fuck do you guys even DO here?
- WBM: We name the hurricanes, sir.
- Pickles: You name the hurricane? Dat's yer job?
- WBM: What should we name this one?
- Nathan: Name the hurricane, um... How 'bout, uh, Scrambles? Scrambles the, uh, the Death... Dealer.
“I thinks he’s gots to goes outsides and goes to the… B-A-S-T-H-R-O-H-M-N-S-E.”
—Toki Wartooth (via die-for-dethklok)
“I’s listenings to yous no more! I’ms goings shoppings! Yes, shoppings! To buys each and every ones of yous a gift! And I wants to see the looks on all your fat fucking faces when I gives you great presents! Ha ha! Fucks you!”
—Toki Wartooth (via die-for-dethklok)
“Yeah I was just, tryin’ ta shop, I’m just too drunk right now. I tried to buy ‘dat cinnamon bun franchise thing, but uh…too drunk…too drunk.”
—Pickles the drummer (via die-for-dethklok)
“I’d rather die than go to heaven.”
—William Murderface (via die-for-dethklok)
“Jeesh Nathan… a little below the belt, I guess I really do have a dogface, maybe I should throw up and eat it.”
—William Murderface (via die-for-dethklok)
“Going out all night long with guns? You know… guns are cool. So, um, what was I saying here?”
—Pickles the drummer (via die-for-dethklok)
“Uhh, you’re totally gonna kill me for this, but I forgot to press record… but here’s the good news…I’m sooooorry.”
—Pickles the drummer (via die-for-dethklok)
“So if a guy hits a home run, but he’s fat, it’s not a home run?! It has to be perfect?!”
—William Murderface (via die-for-dethklok)
“Don’t you remember being a little kids, when your teeths would fall out and grow back and you would get the old one under the pillow so the ancient Norse god Ortha the tooths collector would come and give you a Pickle’s Nickle?”
—Toki Wartooth (via die-for-dethklok)
“What do you mean, ‘booze ain’t food’? I’d rather chop off my ding-dong than admit that!”
—William Murderface (via die-for-dethklok)
“Oh come on, screw that Internet crap, I mean come on, what is the Internet, you know? Seriously…what is the Internet?”
—Pickles the drummer (via die-for-dethklok)
YOUR BLOG. SO AWESOME. DILDOS EVERYWHERE. DEATH METAL. RRRAAARRSDJWJJFJ!
Thank you!
“Kay, name something that’s got nothin’ ta do with guitar. Go, go go go go go…”
—Pickles the drummer (via die-for-dethklok)
“It’s called a grocery store you douchebags! I’m sorry about ‘douchebags,’ I got… I got low blood sugar.”
—Pickles the drummer (via die-for-dethklok)
Awaken
Dethklok
Awaken, awaken, awaken, awaken,
Take the land, that must be taken.
Awaken, awaken, awaken, awaken,
Devour worlds, smite forsaken.
“I give myself a bunch of boats, with a bunch of Vietnamese people on them, on fire.”
—WIlliam Murderface (via die-for-dethklok)
“And I made you this macaroni murder lady! What used to be the red hots were the blood, but I ates them.”
—Toki Wartooth (via die-for-dethklok)
“This is heavy. It hurts my face. Boy, I really hates it.”
—Toki Wartooth (via die-for-dethklok)
“I woke up with a clown’s hand in my pants today… that’s what I did today”
—William Murderface (via die-for-dethklok)
“And the winner is cinnamon buns! Starring Pickles the drummer… and directed by vodka and beer!”
—Pickles the drummer (via die-for-dethklok)
“Dude, nice one. What are you trying to do, depress us? Well it’s working. Hope you’re happy. Now I need a drink… A different one, not this one. In a different place.”
—Pickles the drummer (via die-for-dethklok)
Bloodrocuted
Dethklok
Wait now, what did they say
about the human body and proportions of things?
Blood is an energy conductor.
I am full of that all I need is an outlet.
“Hey, why don’t we just record people dying? Like all the world’s leaders, or a bunch of ladies. That would be heavy.”
—William Murderface (via die-for-dethklok)
“Candy: tastes like chicken, if chicken was a candy.”
—Toki Wartooth (via die-for-dethklok)
“Jumps out the window! Find me a paper clips! You dos what I say or I haves you all killed! Now shits your pants!”
—Toki Wartooth (via die-for-dethklok)
